Saturday, September 7, 2013

So I Guess this Is Hello?

Well, I-


Well, I suppose it all started like this. I wanted to make a blog because I saw Hyperbole and a half do it, I saw the Oatmeal do it, I saw Dan o'Brien, David Wong, Gladstone, Soren Bowie and everyone else under the golden californian sun do it, and I thought "Hey... People think I'm funny! I like talking about myself! Let's give making a blog a real shot!"

And then this happened

As a vessel of my thoughts, this little corner of the internet I call my own became a vessel of my negativity, and good god was there a lot of it.

I started this blog at a very abrupt turning point in my life.

Let's cut to grade eleven. For whatever reason, things got dark for me about this time. I could blame it on whatever, but this is when I learned the hard way to be very careful about people I let close in to my life, (and I gotta admit, I'm still kinda learning.)

This is where I became very jealous, insecure, and kinda frightened by people. I was still posting then, so I won't dwell on this TOO much seeing as I commented on it as it was happening, but in retrospect it is always different.

One main thing that bugs me more now than it did before was all the name calling and labeling I was going through. By others, and myself. Like, I couldn't fucking figure out who I was and I didn't really get that I could just take a deep breath and be me, because what that meant to everyone else isnt SUPPOSED to mean anything to me.

In watching everyone else be themselves, and trying to be like them, I ultimately made myself more... Different. But not the good kind of different that everyone just is, that horrible kind of different that nobody wants. This forced isolation and sudden insecurity drove me into a sort of emotional numbness. I didn't have any emotion in whatever I was doing, and my personality was very lacking.

Things did get better in grade eleven though. Something kinda popped and I came out of myself after MUCH trial and error. Let's fast forward to that summer before grade twelve.

I started working outside, someone was crazy enough to trust me with power tools, and it was a majorly rewarding experience all around. Doing that kind of work made me feel way better and more confident in myself, and all I could focus on was my own self improvement. This may explain why this summer was my least social. But as ever it was not to last.

I underwent a significant nervous breakdown at the end of that summer. And here I thought I was getting better! I didnt know what I was gonna do with myself, and I was frightened at the end of my wits that it was gonna happen again at some point! (and, you know happen they did)

I gotta say however that my last year of school was a pretty entertaining one, albeit with its rough takeoff.

In all this pussy bullshit, I had forgotten where my friends were and how to deal with other people, but that did eventually change.

And you know what? I had an amazing time! Me and my friends played Pathfinder together, I got to start (and kinda end) a band with some younger kids, it was nothing short of exciting and fun! And yeah, I guess these are all posts for another time :P

And I guess that's pretty much all I have to say for now. You guys deserved an explanation, like always. I feel like in most decent writing there's a barrier between the reader and what they're reading. I dont want to be a decent writer though so, don't go expecting too much of that. I've done some learning, I know what I'm capable of.

So I guess in other terms, I'm back? With a liiittle more to talk about than just my pills and my brain. Stay tuned, my little luminescent saboteurs!


  1. this is you: