Saturday, November 29, 2014

The Last Known Space Cowboy

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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

We Fight On

I kinda miss back when my feelings of angst and inadequacy ruled my existance and I wasnt so grown up and quiet.

At least I had something to say, even if it didnt matter.

However, even with the importance of what I have to say being at all relevant or not, I dont miss feeling super ridiculously shitty and not having the motivation to put up with stuff i didnt want to continue with anymore to carry me forward into something i MIGHT wanna do later.

Life since this blog crashed has been a laugh, and thats just the way I like it. Now everything really feels like its a building block, like life is going somewhere, like I'm leveling up and its good!

Lifes about to get a little harder, but in a good way, not a depressing one.

Which is AWESOME. I legit fucking hate being depressed.

Im glad thats all behind me.

I still get glimpses of it, but it is never as bad as it used to be.

Depression built a fighter, when it wanted to wreck a weak link.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Caffeine consumption

More or less, every morning, I will pound back two cups of coffee. And then on my way to work I will pick up two rockstars and pound those back.

Then when i get off work, I drink two MORE rockstars, and if i feel like it, suck back a large double-double before I go home.

How the hell I can sleep is beyond me. But its no question that I may have a slight caffeine addiction.

We all have our vices, I guess, and mine just so happen to be gratuitious ammounts of sketchy chemicals and then weed to bring me back down again.

And its not even like the rush I get from a lot of energy drinks is all that satisfying or really that prevalent, I just like drinking rockstar cause its tasty!!

And another thing I have learned as a lightweight, anyway...

Jaegermeister is your friend. Youre riding easy on your random hard liquor, and its kinda making you more groggy than drunk. Three shots of Jaeger and a can of redbull and suddenly it's intermission!
As the sleepiness that tries to take hold of you dissapates, you feel the other inhibitions melt away along with it.

Suddenly its time to drink more! And youre still feeling very little of it! This carries on until the caffeine wears off, and then youre still a wobbly mess, but without the vomit!

Versus firing blind, railing three tequila, pounding back three schooners, wobbling home and throwing up.

So yeah, I pound back lots of caffeine... But whatever! Least I kinda know how to party?

Namaste n shit

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Paid in sighs

Say how did you get those marks on your neck?
Was it the cherry in the bowl
Or the cover of the check?
Maybe you're as smooth
as the pomade in your hair
create enticing poison
by manipulation of the air

And who chiseled out your jaw?
And for that matter, your collar?
A grande with no foam
Will that be all? Or...

Everyone will tell you
That you're always something special
But when it comes to pleasing
You've never felt the pressure
And how gifted you are with all those hooks and ties
almost like you get paid in sighs

Say how did you get that lipstick on your cheek?
Was it her passion in her eyes
Or her knees going weak?
Or maybe you're as loving
As your mother thinks you are
Create unbreakable webs
by alignment of the stars

And who polished those eyes
And can they get any bigger?
Maybe if I make you smile
And make my heart go a little quicker

Everyone will tell you
That you're always something special
But when it comes to pleasing
You've never felt the pressure
And how gifted you are with all those hooks and ties
almost like you get paid in sighs

Everyone will tell you
That you're always something special
But when it comes to pleasing
You've never felt the pressure
And how gifted you are with all those hooks and ties
almost like you get paid in sighs

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Hell might be a social construct, but earth goes on for miles...

Take it from the top and see what comes
through the broken hearts, and all the bloody thumbs
lose sight of myself in the light of the future
burn off the past and let the now be my sutures
set the infrastructure of this dog and pony show
break off the restraining valve and let your feelings flow

the dramatic flimsy framework and dispassionate pleas prolonging
the painful break inevitable, necrotic heart still longing
fight through brush and briar to get to where you are,
monument to childhood, left to go so far
terracotta life, all my fired naiive strife, crumbling with age and rain
oceans over hate and pain

the battery of love and rage
not liked but necessary,
for every step in the right direction comes a worthy adversary
and i wont fight but overcome
unrelenting until this battle is won
bet against me your healthy wagers
for und wir sind der jaeger.

Friday, November 14, 2014

DJ-JJ and the methods of control

(The JJ Stands for Just Joey)

I talk about my job a lot. Particularly because i blog from here like, 100% of the time now (I have no computer at home)

But this is also one of the most like... idk biggest learning experiences ive ever had. Particularily about control, and how I can actually have control and its okay.

They try to teach you this lesson at school but i dont know, it always came off as so so snide when I was learning.
High School is a shitty place.

The whole concept of having responsibility n whatnot.

I mean yeah i get it i owe it to a lot of people to be at a certain place at a certain time, yaddah yaddah yaddah, whatever i gotta be a good drone for the man n stuff.

But no its so much different than that.

My job is actually pretty like... managerial in a way like, sure im "just a DJ" but since i work in the daytime, the actual music part of the gig is the most insignificant. Sure whenever Flagpole Sitta appears on the inbetween list, I have to stop it and play it from the beginning after the dancer goes off stage but thats personal.

What? I really like that song...

But someone once explained to me that when I'm here, I'm TECHNICALLY the boss. No, I don't tell the servers what to do, but I have to like, be 150% OCD about times dancers get on and off the stage. I run the show, I'm the Cassie, the stage manager. Thats not really that big a deal, considering I'm not the only one who has an idea of what needs to happen when. Fuck if you need ME of all people to discipline you, you're beyond all help as it is...

Anyway, learning this means and method of control is really helping me out with another skill that requires a lot of control.


I'm picking up on it rather quick, it wont be long till I go for my license (fucking finally)

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Showing up to work just... covered in lipstick.

Ever had one of those?

Like, not one of this nights where you DON'T know what happened but like

one of those nights where you DO? and it was still JUST AS crazy?

I mean, I'm a nineteen year old middle Canadian suburbanite. I dont get up to a whole lot.

But there's still a sort of... I don't know an allure to coming in to work on a quiet Saturday morning to open the place up... but you're covered in smeared lipstick and other funny little markings that the evening had left on you.

I used to hate starbucks because whenever I'd have big purple suckmarks on my neck from the fun night previous, they would like, VINDICTIVELY stick me on drive thru till... where i was clearly visible and had to talk to customers about it.

Sometimes everyone was cool about it (mainly the rich milfy crowd with a few good jokes and a "hey sweetie, at least you're getting some"), but ehh, I got a lot of... I guess jealous insecure kids (or they were just little cuntbags, I'm not a psychologist) and i dont know WHY they bothered me so much but they did. I mean yeah, jesus christ how DARE I get action, what the hells wrong with me?!

Anyway i guess working where I'm under the guise of no light has really helped me get over the fact that hickeys happen, and I like feeling kind of dirty, I guess.

Also, apparently theres a definite difference in a Joey who got laid last night and a Joey who didnt... According to the doormen.

Never thought I'd be one of those people but c'est la'vie?!

Yeah this post is about my sex life, deal with it.


I remember in like, the 17-18 year old days where like, if you had a mark on your neck it was like, you were branded with such scorn and ridicule that it was just about impossible to deal with. This motherfucker had to wear a scarf inside all his last week of school cause things went a little well for him on his birthday.

now its like, half my neck can be purple and I couldn't give any less of a shit.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

"You are not where you are, you are where you're going"

I felt a lump in my throat when I opened the letter.

It was from the government, addressed to me. A projection of my grades from all of highschool.

My heart got pretty heavy in my chest and decided to become friends with my stomach when i scanned the numbers. Very few of them were above 60.

Im not sure what I was expecting. I mean, Its not like my mind was really ever in the right place when I was in school, at least not academically. You guys were there, you read the story from april 2011 to now, you can probably guess from my writing and one-dimensional thought process that I wasnt really a prized student.

I logged into the U of L bridge. If I had my grades, they sure did as well.

With dashed hopes, I begrudgingly looked over my admission status.

And much to my surprise, I was... I was in. I was accepted.

They approved me!

The next chapter in this book was about to turn over and as far as I could tell, it was gonna be an adventurous one.

The same day I helped my dad winterize the camper, and after that little snafu (did you know that the older and more broken a diesel generator is, the more of a headache it becomes to turn over?) we rendezvoued at the local pub with a few neighbours. With my brother out of the house on sunday, and me admitted into school a whole two hours south of home and out of the house come January, this has been a pretty exciting week at chez de la Edmond.

This is all progress, me building my life up a little more every day. And I guess I finally made it to level 58, cause I just got the go ahead to start grinding away in the Outland. (WOAH! Inaccurate WoW references!)

So wowee, everyone! To here knows when!

Sunday, November 2, 2014

TGIDJ!! (Thank God I DJ!)

i talk about work a lot. Well, I TALKED about work a lot.

But my latest gig has a bit of a story and half to it.

Last we left off, I worked at Starbucks, yeah?

Be real, Starbucks actually fucking rocked, for the most part...

All good things, as they say.

After parting ways with them, I tried out a few didffrerent part time gigs. Few of them were even run properly!

(word of warning to those like me: steer clear of mall retail. Itll hurt you worse than anything)

Dont know what im talking about? Look at that neverending buzzfeed list of lists on why retail is so horrible. From the mouth of the JJ himself, he can tell you its all 100% accurate and 200% horrible.

Looking at the past makes me feel incredibly grateful for the present, you know? In a lot of ways.

After getting chewed up and spit out in the retail world, I hit up the k'joos (thats kijiji for all you non street types) for another 9-5. Gotta pay the bills somehow!

No fuckin shit. I found an ad. Looking for a DJ. Slash Announcer. At

...Ho you're gonna love this...

Risque Rouge! What the hell is... Risque Rouge... Sounds... Sounds kinda fancy?

Alright alright, let me break it down for ya.

So we got our EVER SO GLIMMERING Night Club scene in the A B E A UTEEFUL City of Calgary. Its about as fun as this passage is drenched in sarcasm.

Theres like... TWO clubs ever id reccommend to anyone. Republik, and Twisted. Now ive beefed on the cowboy club bullshit already so im not gonna delve too deep into it.

But its shit tacular, just... just take my word for it. OKay, moivin on Risque Rouge.

Definitely more of the adult kind of club.

Like the... strippy kind of adult.

And for WHATEVER REASON, they hire me.

I get called in for an interview lets say in mid august, and i roll in all quiet and scared. Like the first day of school if school were the exact opposite of what it is. This interview was more of an orientation than anything else. (no, we ARE NOT counting university)

I make my way to the booth, and I see this little mousey dude. This little mousey dude turned out to be one of the most absolute coolest people ive ever met, we call him Keith. Lots of cool Keiths in this city, thats for sure. (eyes on YOU, Johnstone!)

So he shows me around in a very... Joeyish fashion. I could tell deep down, there was very little Keith cared about in this place. His passions were definitely elsewhere. It really spoke to me how well we hit it off. Its a shame i was his replacement all along, but at the same time it makes a hell of a lot of sense.

Starting off, I kinda professed in putting everyone in a bad mood. Well, excuse me for living, I guess...

But thats all one nowadays. I'm rockin the Daytime DJ throne in the south end!

Looking at the job I have now, versus all the crazy bullshit I had to put up with in the last like... five ish years... Its almost as if it was all leading up to this. I now THRIVE on crazy.

Just so long as I have the zen of all zen waiting for me at the end of it all!

Also, pologies for not being around the past few days. I was too party for the blog, I guess.